stuff to do on a purple dayhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/en-EUhourly82000-01-01T12:00+00:00stuff to do on a purple dayhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/01/bf2aff29aba611c20a9f1649484eba_160x200.jpgIts come, time for a stickhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/12/18/its_come_time_for_a_stick~3462689/2007-12-18T22:45:13+01:00 <p>Reading someone else's blog made me think how i feel about having to admit that I need a stick.<br>I carried a rolled up umbrella all sumer rather than admit I needed a stick, I live on the sunshine coast of essex where it never rains,  so I did get a few remarkes about it. (exspecting rain ? here comes mary poppins ect) but I let it go over my head. I was adamant that I was too young for a stick.<br>Then I remember'd grandads walking stick,or is it great grandads. My dad always refererd to it as grandads walking stick so perhaps it was his grandads. Three years ago when my dad died I found it verry hard as I supose most people do, but one of the few things I could bring myself to keep was grandads stick. It had been in dads shed all my life and i am aproaching 60, I took it home and put it in my shed assuming that is where it would stay untill one of my kids took it and put it in her shed.<br>  This is no ordenary stick it is a thin, I think rosewood cane with a silver band on whitch is embosed a shotgun and a brace of phesants toped with a carving in bone or ivory of a dogs head snarling.(I will try to upload a picture to my media)<br>Since I have been using the stick I quite often get the feeling I dont actualy need it now,but i never leave the house without it, even just walking to the car parked on the drive I take the stick.<br>It has become like a third legg even though I have two perfectly good ones. It does not make me feel old like the rolled up umbrela did it makes me feel,,,I think the word that sums it up is dapper and I walk twice as far and fast with the stick. Its all a bit confusing, hey ho  </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/12/18/its_come_time_for_a_stick~3462689/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Reading someone else's blog made me think how i feel about having to admit that I need a stick.
I carried a rolled up umbrella all sumer rather than admit I needed a stick, I live on the sunshine coast of essex where it never rains,  so I did get a few remarkes about it. (exspecting rain ? here comes mary poppins ect) but I let it go over my head. I was adamant that I was too young for a stick.
Then I remember'd grandads walking stick,or is it great grandads. My dad always refererd to it as grandads walking stick so perhaps it was his grandads. Three years ago when my dad died I found it verry hard as I supose most people do, but one of the few things I could bring myself to keep was grandads stick. It had been in dads shed all my life and i am aproaching 60, I took it home and put it in my shed assuming that is where it would stay untill one of my kids took it and put it in her shed.
  This is no ordenary stick it is a thin, I think rosewood cane with a silver band on whitch is embosed a shotgun and a brace of phesants toped with a carving in bone or ivory of a dogs head snarling.(I will try to upload a picture to my media)
Since I have been using the stick I quite often get the feeling I dont actualy need it now,but i never leave the house without it, even just walking to the car parked on the drive I take the stick.
It has become like a third legg even though I have two perfectly good ones. It does not make me feel old like the rolled up umbrela did it makes me feel,,,I think the word that sums it up is dapper and I walk twice as far and fast with the stick. Its all a bit confusing, hey ho 

Comments

]]>Mad poet is backhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/12/15/mad_poet_is_back~3445349/2007-12-15T00:10:44+01:00 <p>just a quicky to let all my freind know i am still alive,got lots of catching up to do hope to speak to you all soon  </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/12/15/mad_poet_is_back~3445349/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>just a quicky to let all my freind know i am still alive,got lots of catching up to do hope to speak to you all soon 

Comments

]]>old gits of the world unitehttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/12/old_gits_of_the_world_unite~2259262/2007-05-12T22:13:28+02:00 <p class="MsoNormal">I&rsquo;m thinking of buying a vest.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I&rsquo;ve reached that time of life.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">When I can slurp drinking a cup of tea.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And eat peas off of me knife.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">I can start being rude to children.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And I&rsquo;m learning to cough and spit.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I&rsquo;m really quit looking forward.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">To being a doddery old gitt.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">I&rsquo;ll grow a yellow moustache.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And force me grand kids to give me a kiss.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And I&rsquo;ll buy a pair of them trousers</p> <p class="MsoNormal">That permantly smell of piss.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">I&rsquo;ll bump into people in the street.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And hit them with me brolly.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And then I&rsquo;ll go into Sainsberys.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And play havoc with me trolley.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">I can buy a plastic shopping bag.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And let the handles fray.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And drink mild and bitter.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And moan if a&rsquo;v to pay.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">I&rsquo;ll loos control of me bladder.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And get one of them bags instead.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So when I&rsquo;ve a&rsquo;d ten pints at night.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I don&rsquo;t have to get out of bed.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">So I&rsquo;m going to be a doddery old git.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Just as soon as I can.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Or failing that I&rsquo;ve half a mind</p> <p class="MsoNormal">To be a dirty old man. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span></span></p>     </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/12/old_gits_of_the_world_unite~2259262/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I’m thinking of buying a vest.

I’ve reached that time of life.

When I can slurp drinking a cup of tea.

And eat peas off of me knife.

 

I can start being rude to children.

And I’m learning to cough and spit.

I’m really quit looking forward.

To being a doddery old gitt.

 

I’ll grow a yellow moustache.

And force me grand kids to give me a kiss.

And I’ll buy a pair of them trousers

That permantly smell of piss.

 

I’ll bump into people in the street.

And hit them with me brolly.

And then I’ll go into Sainsberys.

And play havoc with me trolley.

 

I can buy a plastic shopping bag.

And let the handles fray.

And drink mild and bitter.

And moan if a’v to pay.

 

I’ll loos control of me bladder.

And get one of them bags instead.

So when I’ve a’d ten pints at night.

I don’t have to get out of bed.

 

So I’m going to be a doddery old git.

Just as soon as I can.

Or failing that I’ve half a mind

To be a dirty old man.

   

Comments

]]>sorry about the bad wordhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/12/sorry_about_the_bad_word~2258765/2007-05-12T20:28:09+02:00 <p><img src="file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/abc/Local%20Settings/Temporary%20Internet%20Files/Content.IE5/FQP7PPCU/pic2%5B1%5D.jpg" alt="" width="336" height="336"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/12/sorry_about_the_bad_word~2258765/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>

Comments

]]>title-2253316http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/11/title~2253316/2007-05-11T19:41:26+02:00 <p><span>A true story and its source was the Australian Quarantine Inspection Service in Adelaide.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>A bloke and his family were on holidays in the United States and went to Mexico for a week.<span>  </span>An avid cactus fan, the man bought one-metre high, rare and expensive cactus there.<span>  </span>On arrival back home Australian Customs said it must be quarantined for 3 months.</span><span><span> </span></span><br> <span>He finally got his cactus home.<span>  </span>Planted it in his backyard, and over time it grew to about 2 metres.<span>  </span>One evening while watering his garden after a warm spring day, he gave the cactus a light spray.<span>  </span>He was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another spray and it shivered again.</span> <span>He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens people. After a few transfers he got the state's foremost cactus expert who asked him many questions.<span>  </span>How tall is it?<span>  </span>Has it flowered? Etc.</span><span> </span><span>Finally he asked the most disturbing question. "Is your family in the house?" The bloke answered yes.<span>  </span>The cactus expert said get out of the house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me; I will be there in 20 minutes.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>Fifteen minutes later, 2 fire trucks, 2 police cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner.<span>  </span>A fireman got out and asked "Are you the bloke with the cactus?" I am, he said.<span>  </span>A guy jumped out of the fire truck wearing what looked like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and mask attached to what looked like a scuba backpack with a large hose attached. He headed for the backyard and turned a flame-thrower on the cactus spraying it up and down.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>After a few minutes the flame-thrower man stopped, the cactus stood smoking and spitting, half the fence was burnt and parts of the gardens were well and truly scorched.<span>  </span>Just then the cactus expert appeared and laid a calming hand on the bloke's shoulder. "What the hell's going on?" he says. "Let me show you" says the cactus man.<span>  </span>He went over to the cactus and picked away a crusty bit, the cactus was almost entirely hollow and filled with tiger striped bird-eating tarantula spiders, each about the size of two hand spans.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as they grow to full size.<span>  </span>When full size they release themselves.<span>  </span>The cactus just explodes and about 150 dinner plate sized hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere. They had been ready to pop.<span>  </span>The aftermath was that the house and the adjoining houses had to be vacated and fumigated: police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>And here's what one of the spiders looks like sitting on a FULL SIZE dinner pl</span><span> </span><span> </span><span></span><span></span>  </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/11/title~2253316/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A true story and its source was the Australian Quarantine Inspection Service in Adelaide. A bloke and his family were on holidays in the United States and went to Mexico for a week.  An avid cactus fan, the man bought one-metre high, rare and expensive cactus there.  On arrival back home Australian Customs said it must be quarantined for 3 months. 
He finally got his cactus home.  Planted it in his backyard, and over time it grew to about 2 metres.  One evening while watering his garden after a warm spring day, he gave the cactus a light spray.  He was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another spray and it shivered again. He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens people. After a few transfers he got the state's foremost cactus expert who asked him many questions.  How tall is it?  Has it flowered? Etc. Finally he asked the most disturbing question. "Is your family in the house?" The bloke answered yes.  The cactus expert said get out of the house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me; I will be there in 20 minutes. Fifteen minutes later, 2 fire trucks, 2 police cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner.  A fireman got out and asked "Are you the bloke with the cactus?" I am, he said.  A guy jumped out of the fire truck wearing what looked like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and mask attached to what looked like a scuba backpack with a large hose attached. He headed for the backyard and turned a flame-thrower on the cactus spraying it up and down. After a few minutes the flame-thrower man stopped, the cactus stood smoking and spitting, half the fence was burnt and parts of the gardens were well and truly scorched.  Just then the cactus expert appeared and laid a calming hand on the bloke's shoulder. "What the hell's going on?" he says. "Let me show you" says the cactus man.  He went over to the cactus and picked away a crusty bit, the cactus was almost entirely hollow and filled with tiger striped bird-eating tarantula spiders, each about the size of two hand spans. The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as they grow to full size.  When full size they release themselves.  The cactus just explodes and about 150 dinner plate sized hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere. They had been ready to pop.  The aftermath was that the house and the adjoining houses had to be vacated and fumigated: police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks. And here's what one of the spiders looks like sitting on a FULL SIZE dinner pl   

Comments

]]>title-2253307http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/11/title~2253307/2007-05-11T19:40:02+02:00 <p><span>A true story and its source was the Australian Quarantine Inspection Service in Adelaide.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>A bloke and his family were on holidays in the United States and went to Mexico for a week.<span>  </span>An avid cactus fan, the man bought one-metre high, rare and expensive cactus there.<span>  </span>On arrival back home Australian Customs said it must be quarantined for 3 months.</span><span><span> </span></span><br> <span>He finally got his cactus home.<span>  </span>Planted it in his backyard, and over time it grew to about 2 metres.<span>  </span>One evening while watering his garden after a warm spring day, he gave the cactus a light spray.<span>  </span>He was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another spray and it shivered again.</span> <span>He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens people. After a few transfers he got the state's foremost cactus expert who asked him many questions.<span>  </span>How tall is it?<span>  </span>Has it flowered? Etc.</span><span> </span><span>Finally he asked the most disturbing question. "Is your family in the house?" The bloke answered yes.<span>  </span>The cactus expert said get out of the house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me; I will be there in 20 minutes.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>Fifteen minutes later, 2 fire trucks, 2 police cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner.<span>  </span>A fireman got out and asked "Are you the bloke with the cactus?" I am, he said.<span>  </span>A guy jumped out of the fire truck wearing what looked like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and mask attached to what looked like a scuba backpack with a large hose attached. He headed for the backyard and turned a flame-thrower on the cactus spraying it up and down.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>After a few minutes the flame-thrower man stopped, the cactus stood smoking and spitting, half the fence was burnt and parts of the gardens were well and truly scorched.<span>  </span>Just then the cactus expert appeared and laid a calming hand on the bloke's shoulder. "What the hell's going on?" he says. "Let me show you" says the cactus man.<span>  </span>He went over to the cactus and picked away a crusty bit, the cactus was almost entirely hollow and filled with tiger striped bird-eating tarantula spiders, each about the size of two hand spans.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as they grow to full size.<span>  </span>When full size they release themselves.<span>  </span>The cactus just explodes and about 150 dinner plate sized hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere. They had been ready to pop.<span>  </span>The aftermath was that the house and the adjoining houses had to be vacated and fumigated: police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks.</span><span><span> </span></span><span>And here's what one of the spiders looks like sitting on a FULL SIZE dinner pl</span><span> </span><span> </span><span></span><span></span>  </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/11/title~2253307/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A true story and its source was the Australian Quarantine Inspection Service in Adelaide. A bloke and his family were on holidays in the United States and went to Mexico for a week.  An avid cactus fan, the man bought one-metre high, rare and expensive cactus there.  On arrival back home Australian Customs said it must be quarantined for 3 months. 
He finally got his cactus home.  Planted it in his backyard, and over time it grew to about 2 metres.  One evening while watering his garden after a warm spring day, he gave the cactus a light spray.  He was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another spray and it shivered again. He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens people. After a few transfers he got the state's foremost cactus expert who asked him many questions.  How tall is it?  Has it flowered? Etc. Finally he asked the most disturbing question. "Is your family in the house?" The bloke answered yes.  The cactus expert said get out of the house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me; I will be there in 20 minutes. Fifteen minutes later, 2 fire trucks, 2 police cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner.  A fireman got out and asked "Are you the bloke with the cactus?" I am, he said.  A guy jumped out of the fire truck wearing what looked like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and mask attached to what looked like a scuba backpack with a large hose attached. He headed for the backyard and turned a flame-thrower on the cactus spraying it up and down. After a few minutes the flame-thrower man stopped, the cactus stood smoking and spitting, half the fence was burnt and parts of the gardens were well and truly scorched.  Just then the cactus expert appeared and laid a calming hand on the bloke's shoulder. "What the hell's going on?" he says. "Let me show you" says the cactus man.  He went over to the cactus and picked away a crusty bit, the cactus was almost entirely hollow and filled with tiger striped bird-eating tarantula spiders, each about the size of two hand spans. The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as they grow to full size.  When full size they release themselves.  The cactus just explodes and about 150 dinner plate sized hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere. They had been ready to pop.  The aftermath was that the house and the adjoining houses had to be vacated and fumigated: police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks. And here's what one of the spiders looks like sitting on a FULL SIZE dinner pl   

Comments

]]>The poetry is coming back,or is it the madnesshttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/08/the_poetry_is_coming_back_or_is_it_the_m~2235249/2007-05-08T20:26:55+02:00 <p>I had one escape from reality <br>That used to be my dreams <br>To drift away to that subconscious world<br> Where nothings what it seems </p> <p>Lots of dreams I remember<br> And some im pleased to forget<br> Some of them were scary <br>And some of em was wet </p> <p>Then I caught insomnia<br> And found I couldn&rsquo;t sleep<br> It were my doctor that suggested <br>I should take up counting sheep. </p> <p>Well it seemed to work at first <br>Id nod off when Id counted a few<br> But in my dream I fell in love <br>With this sexy little yew. </p> <p>We would graze the grass together<br> And do other sheep like pursuits<br> And do disturbing things <br>involving Wellington boots.<br> <br>so I decided to become a shepherd <br>Bought a dog a crook and a hat<br> But walking the streets of Ipswich <br>I felt a proper prat. </p> <p>My insomnia soon came back <br>I were scared to go to sleep<br> I new as soon as I closed my eyes<br> Id dream of bloody sheep. </p> <p>Occasionally when Im awake<br> I think of my sexy yew<br> And I sometimes write er a love song<br> When iv ad a few. </p> <p>But I think Im quite cured now <br>My obsession has run its course<br> I ad er again in my dream last night<br> But this time with mint sauce. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/08/the_poetry_is_coming_back_or_is_it_the_m~2235249/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I had one escape from reality
That used to be my dreams
To drift away to that subconscious world
 Where nothings what it seems

Lots of dreams I remember
 And some im pleased to forget
 Some of them were scary 
And some of em was wet

Then I caught insomnia
 And found I couldn’t sleep
 It were my doctor that suggested
I should take up counting sheep.

Well it seemed to work at first
Id nod off when Id counted a few
 But in my dream I fell in love
With this sexy little yew.

We would graze the grass together
 And do other sheep like pursuits
 And do disturbing things
involving Wellington boots.
 
so I decided to become a shepherd
Bought a dog a crook and a hat
 But walking the streets of Ipswich
I felt a proper prat.

My insomnia soon came back
I were scared to go to sleep
 I new as soon as I closed my eyes
 Id dream of bloody sheep.

Occasionally when Im awake
 I think of my sexy yew
 And I sometimes write er a love song
 When iv ad a few.

But I think Im quite cured now
My obsession has run its course
 I ad er again in my dream last night
 But this time with mint sauce.

Comments

]]>hi friendshttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/03/hi_friends~2205193/2007-05-03T19:45:50+02:00 <p>Sorry i hav not been around for a wile i still read most days and make the ocasional comment but not bloging at the moment but its nice to see what you ar all up to. I will be back thanks for not wiping me off your friends lists M.P  </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/05/03/hi_friends~2205193/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Sorry i hav not been around for a wile i still read most days and make the ocasional comment but not bloging at the moment but its nice to see what you ar all up to. I will be back thanks for not wiping me off your friends lists M.P 

Comments

]]>I think i can feell a blog coming onhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/03/23/i_think_i_can_feell_a_blog_coming_on~1959479/2007-03-23T12:46:48+01:00 <p>Sorry ive been away so long and thanks for all the good wishes and private mesages,I do pop in most days for a few mins so i think i know whats going on but i sure i have a lot of catching up to do. i will be back verry soon </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/03/23/i_think_i_can_feell_a_blog_coming_on~1959479/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Sorry ive been away so long and thanks for all the good wishes and private mesages,I do pop in most days for a few mins so i think i know whats going on but i sure i have a lot of catching up to do. i will be back verry soon

Comments

]]>Probably not going to die tonighthttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/02/07/probably_not_going_to_die_tonight~1700145/2007-02-07T21:51:42+01:00 <p><img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/11redface.gif" border="0" alt="" width="15" height="15"> <span>DON&rsquo;T WORRY ABOUT ME</span><span> <br></span><span>Thanks for asking</span><span><br>I feel much better now<br></span><span>I got through another week<br></span><span>I really don&rsquo;t know how.<br></span><span> <br></span><span>Thanks very much for asking<br></span><span>The old troubles back again<br></span><span>I&rsquo;m not one to talk about it<br> </span><span>I&rsquo;m no stranger to pain.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>The doctor say my prostrate<br></span><span>is a miracle to behold<br></span><span>but I&rsquo;m not one to complain <br></span><span>I know I wont grow old<br></span><span><br> </span><span>But thanks for asking<br></span><span>now its just pill after pill<br></span><span>but you&rsquo;ll never hear me moan<br></span><span>even though I&rsquo;m constantly ill.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>I s&rsquo;pose I shall struggle on<br> </span><span>until the bitter end<br></span><span>I don&rsquo;t mind the pain<br></span><span>me and pain are like old friends<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Me haemorrhoids don&rsquo;t bleed as much<br></span><span>as they used to do<br></span><span>I&rsquo;m still a martyr to arthritis<br></span><span>and I&rsquo;ve just had Asian flu</span><span> <br></span><span><br>The doctor say I&rsquo;ve got a syndrome<br></span><span>I dint quite catch its name<br></span><span>and it doesn&rsquo;t really hurt that much<br></span><span>it&rsquo;s just one extra pain.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>I know I&rsquo;ve got some illnesses<br></span><span>I haven&rsquo;t yet been told<br></span><span>Just look inside my hank&rsquo;y<br></span><span>how&rsquo;s that for a cold<br></span><span><br> </span><span>you don&rsquo;t have to worry about me<br></span><span>I&rsquo;ll probably be all right<br></span><span>As long as I take me tablets<br></span><span>I&rsquo;ll probably last the night</span><span> <br></span><span><br>But thanks for asking<br></span><span>I&rsquo;ll survive I&rsquo;m sure<br></span><span>But I just cant understand<br></span><span>Why no one asks no more.</span><span><span> </span></span> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/02/07/probably_not_going_to_die_tonight~1700145/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME 
Thanks for asking
I feel much better now
I got through another week
I really don’t know how.
 
Thanks very much for asking
The old troubles back again
I’m not one to talk about it
 I’m no stranger to pain. 

The doctor say my prostrate
is a miracle to behold
but I’m not one to complain
I know I wont grow old

 But thanks for asking
now its just pill after pill
but you’ll never hear me moan
even though I’m constantly ill. 

I s’pose I shall struggle on
 until the bitter end
I don’t mind the pain
me and pain are like old friends

 Me haemorrhoids don’t bleed as much
as they used to do
I’m still a martyr to arthritis
and I’ve just had Asian flu 

The doctor say I’ve got a syndrome
I dint quite catch its name
and it doesn’t really hurt that much
it’s just one extra pain. 

I know I’ve got some illnesses
I haven’t yet been told
Just look inside my hank’y
how’s that for a cold

 you don’t have to worry about me
I’ll probably be all right
As long as I take me tablets
I’ll probably last the night 

But thanks for asking
I’ll survive I’m sure
But I just cant understand
Why no one asks no more. 

Comments

]]>THINKING ABOUT BUETIFULL WOMENhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/26/thinking_about_buetifull_women~1629333/2007-01-26T23:24:47+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal"><span>SYMPATHY FOR AN AGEING LOVER</span></p> <span> </span><br> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>It must be worse for you, you used to be a beauty.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>It must be &lsquo;ard now your looks are gone</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>time &lsquo;as took its toll and your starting to look old</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>and your breasts that once wer large are just long.</span></p> <span> </span><br> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>It must be worse for you once you wer gorgeous.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>Men often used to stop and stare,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>now yer &lsquo;ands are gnarled a bit and yer skin don&rsquo;t quite fit.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>and time &lsquo;as been and bugger&rsquo;d up you&rsquo;re hair.</span></p> <span> </span><br> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>It must be worse for you once you wer stunning.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>I remember when you wer tall and sleek&rsquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>you try to keep alive the dream with the use of nivia cream,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>but a months supply now just lasts a week.</span></p> <span> </span><br> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>It must be worse for you once you wer lovely.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>Now your reflection is not what you want to see,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>it must really hurt now you&rsquo;ve nothing left that&rsquo;s pert,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>and now your lovely chin has turned to three.</span></p> <span> </span><br> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>It must be worse for you once you wer a beauty.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>I remember &lsquo;ow you used to be,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>it must be really &lsquo;ard now your hips &lsquo;av turned to lard,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>its worse for you, but it &lsquo;aint much fun for me<span>  </span></span></p> <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/26/thinking_about_buetifull_women~1629333/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>SYMPATHY FOR AN AGEING LOVER

 

It must be worse for you, you used to be a beauty.

It must be ‘ard now your looks are gone

time ‘as took its toll and your starting to look old

and your breasts that once wer large are just long.

 

It must be worse for you once you wer gorgeous.

Men often used to stop and stare,

now yer ‘ands are gnarled a bit and yer skin don’t quite fit.

and time ‘as been and bugger’d up you’re hair.

 

It must be worse for you once you wer stunning.

I remember when you wer tall and sleek’

you try to keep alive the dream with the use of nivia cream,

but a months supply now just lasts a week.

 

It must be worse for you once you wer lovely.

Now your reflection is not what you want to see,

it must really hurt now you’ve nothing left that’s pert,

and now your lovely chin has turned to three.

 

It must be worse for you once you wer a beauty.

I remember ‘ow you used to be,

it must be really ‘ard now your hips ‘av turned to lard,

its worse for you, but it ‘aint much fun for me 

    

Comments

]]>women a diferent spiecisehttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/22/women_a_diferent_spiecise~1597547/2007-01-22T01:11:38+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal">What is it with women; my partner is sitting watching the green mile on TV sobbing but wont turn it off? I don&rsquo;t understand</p>   </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/22/women_a_diferent_spiecise~1597547/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>What is it with women; my partner is sitting watching the green mile on TV sobbing but wont turn it off? I don’t understand

 

Comments

]]>Lesbians againhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/22/lesbians_again~1597324/2007-01-22T00:06:44+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal">It say in the paper that lesbians make good parents</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I don&rsquo;t know how they know&rsquo;s</p> <p class="MsoNormal">But I know from personal experience </p> <p class="MsoNormal">They make bloody good video&rsquo;s</p> <p>sorry folks it just sliped out</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/22/lesbians_again~1597324/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>It say in the paper that lesbians make good parents

I don’t know how they know’s

But I know from personal experience

They make bloody good video’s

sorry folks it just sliped out

Comments

]]>advert for a new wifehttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/20/advert_for_a_new_wife~1585584/2007-01-20T00:29:24+01:00 <p><span>FRANK&rsquo;S NEW WIFE</span><span> .</p> <p></span><span><span> </span>Young Frank&rsquo;s wife &lsquo;ad left &lsquo;im,<br></span><span>after the breast implant affair,<br></span><span>&lsquo;E got &lsquo;ome from work one night,<br></span><span>and there she was not there.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>Well &lsquo;E wer quite upset,<br></span><span>she weren&rsquo;t there to cook &lsquo;is grub,<br></span><span>but at least &lsquo;eed got &lsquo;is freedom ,<br></span><span>to come down to the pub.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>But it was clear &lsquo;E wasn&rsquo;t &lsquo;appy,<br></span><span>without a woman in &lsquo;is life,<br></span><span>so we decided we should &lsquo;elp &lsquo;im,<br></span><span>to find another wife.<br></span><span><br> </span><span>&lsquo;E deserved to get a good &lsquo;en,<br></span><span>after the last one &lsquo;E &lsquo;ad &lsquo;ad,<br></span><span>so we &lsquo;ad a meeting in the pub,<br></span><span>to write &lsquo;im out an ad&rsquo;.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>She would &lsquo;av. to be good looking,<br></span><span>nothing but the best,<br></span><span>legs rite up to &lsquo;er bum,<br></span><span>and a forty two inch chest.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>She would &lsquo;av. to be a blonde,<br></span><span>there weren&rsquo;t no decent their,<br></span><span>and we thought it might be nice,<br></span><span>if she &lsquo;ad ginger pubic hair.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>We decided on tea total,<br></span><span>and she&rsquo;d &lsquo;av. to &lsquo;av. a car,<br></span><span>so she could take us to the darts match,<br></span><span>and we could &lsquo;av. a jar.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>She would &lsquo;av. to be a good cook,<br></span><span>and &lsquo;ardly ever speak,<br></span><span>and not be one to make Frank,<br> do sex</span><span>more than once a week.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>We sent the advert off,<br></span><span>without any more ado,<br></span><span>and elected a committee,<br></span><span>to conduct the interview.</span><span> <br></span><span><br>It cost a five&rsquo;r for the ad&rsquo;<br></span><span>and much to our surprise,<br></span><span>after all the effort we put in,<br></span><span>we din&rsquo;t get no reply&rsquo;s.</span> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/20/advert_for_a_new_wife~1585584/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>FRANK’S NEW WIFE .

 Young Frank’s wife ‘ad left ‘im,
after the breast implant affair,
‘E got ‘ome from work one night,
and there she was not there. 

Well ‘E wer quite upset,
she weren’t there to cook ‘is grub,
but at least ‘eed got ‘is freedom ,
to come down to the pub. 

But it was clear ‘E wasn’t ‘appy,
without a woman in ‘is life,
so we decided we should ‘elp ‘im,
to find another wife.

 ‘E deserved to get a good ‘en,
after the last one ‘E ‘ad ‘ad,
so we ‘ad a meeting in the pub,
to write ‘im out an ad’. 

She would ‘av. to be good looking,
nothing but the best,
legs rite up to ‘er bum,
and a forty two inch chest. 

She would ‘av. to be a blonde,
there weren’t no decent their,
and we thought it might be nice,
if she ‘ad ginger pubic hair. 

We decided on tea total,
and she’d ‘av. to ‘av. a car,
so she could take us to the darts match,
and we could ‘av. a jar. 

She would ‘av. to be a good cook,
and ‘ardly ever speak,
and not be one to make Frank,
 do sexmore than once a week. 

We sent the advert off,
without any more ado,
and elected a committee,
to conduct the interview. 

It cost a five’r for the ad’
and much to our surprise,
after all the effort we put in,
we din’t get no reply’s.

Comments

]]>sunrisehttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/19/sunrise~1580191/2007-01-19T10:13:25+01:00 <p>The sun is shining the sea is calm all is well<a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=1109979" title="sunrise 19-01-07"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/979/1109979_c33d2d32c3_m.jpg" alt="sunrise 19-01-07" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="282" height="375"></a>my littl part of the planet looks good today </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/19/sunrise~1580191/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>The sun is shining the sea is calm all is wellsunrise 19-01-07my littl part of the planet looks good today

Comments

]]>Life goes onhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/18/life_goes_on~1578423/2007-01-18T22:57:10+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal">Life go&rsquo;s on they say</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well that don&rsquo;t help a bit</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Its little consolation</p> <p class="MsoNormal">When you&rsquo;re life is full of shit</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/18/life_goes_on~1578423/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Life go’s on they say

Well that don’t help a bit

Its little consolation

When you’re life is full of shit

Comments

]]>The lonley manhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/17/the_lonley_man~1571263/2007-01-17T21:51:40+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal">When the moths come taping on the window</p> <p class="MsoNormal">For me to let them in to the light</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I don&rsquo;t think it would be humane</p> <p class="MsoNormal">To lock them out all night</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">So I open up the fanlight</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And welcome them inside</p> <p class="MsoNormal">They are the only friend I got</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So I aint got no pride.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">And as they flutter</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oh so happily</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I think it must be fun for them</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And its company for me</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/17/the_lonley_man~1571263/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>When the moths come taping on the window

For me to let them in to the light

I don’t think it would be humane

To lock them out all night

 

So I open up the fanlight

And welcome them inside

They are the only friend I got

So I aint got no pride.

 

And as they flutter

Oh so happily

I think it must be fun for them

And its company for me

Comments

]]>Mr Sings hot arse curryhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/17/mr_sings_hot_arse_curry~1565757/2007-01-17T00:58:40+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal">If ever you are hungry,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And need sustenance in a hurry,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I can thouraly recommend</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mr. Sings number 2 meat curry.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">Its got onions and Garlic,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">An unspecified sort of meat,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Lots of secret ingredients,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">That are wonderful to eat.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">It brings sweat onto your forehead,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And makes your lips go numb,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And you rush into the toilet</p> <p class="MsoNormal">As it burns out of yer bum,</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">And when it splatters on the porcelain,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It&rsquo;s a wonder to be seen,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">As it burns off all the lime scale</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And leaves it squeaky clean.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">Although it fascinating to watch,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">You must flush it strait away,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I watched for too long once,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And it set as hard as clay.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">As it pops and hisses,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">On its way out to sea,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">You wonder what would happen,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you tried curry number three.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/17/mr_sings_hot_arse_curry~1565757/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>If ever you are hungry,

And need sustenance in a hurry,

I can thouraly recommend

Mr. Sings number 2 meat curry.

 

Its got onions and Garlic,

An unspecified sort of meat,

Lots of secret ingredients,

That are wonderful to eat.

 

It brings sweat onto your forehead,

And makes your lips go numb,

And you rush into the toilet

As it burns out of yer bum,

 

And when it splatters on the porcelain,

It’s a wonder to be seen,

As it burns off all the lime scale

And leaves it squeaky clean.

 

Although it fascinating to watch,

You must flush it strait away,

I watched for too long once,

And it set as hard as clay.

 

As it pops and hisses,

On its way out to sea,

You wonder what would happen,

If you tried curry number three.

Comments

]]>life begins at forty, bullshithttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/16/life_begins_at_forty_bullshit~1561351/2007-01-16T13:59:02+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal">Who said life begins at forty</p> <p class="MsoNormal">They must be bloody mad</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Arthritis begins at forty</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Just ask my poor old dad</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/16/life_begins_at_forty_bullshit~1561351/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Who said life begins at forty

They must be bloody mad

Arthritis begins at forty

Just ask my poor old dad

Comments

]]>Elvis Presley the King of whathttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/15/elvis_presley_the_king_of_what~1555789/2007-01-15T00:08:02+01:00 <p>Elvis Presley, dont you think he should have stoped singing and stuck with what he did best, Acting </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/15/elvis_presley_the_king_of_what~1555789/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Elvis Presley, dont you think he should have stoped singing and stuck with what he did best, Acting

Comments

]]>trying to make friends in Liverpoolhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/13/trying_to_make_friends_in_liverpool~1551556/2007-01-13T23:09:52+01:00 <p>she loves you ya ya<br>she loves you ya ya<br>two of the beatles wrote that<br>so how did they get so fameuose writing such utter crap </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/13/trying_to_make_friends_in_liverpool~1551556/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>she loves you ya ya
she loves you ya ya
two of the beatles wrote that
so how did they get so fameuose writing such utter crap

Comments

]]>Why dont women understandhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/13/why_dont_women_understand~1551305/2007-01-13T21:55:13+01:00 <p><span>AN INTERESTING HOBBY<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Since I&rsquo;ve reached a certain age<br></span><span>and don&rsquo;t chase women any more<br></span><span>I&rsquo;ve developed quite an interest<br></span><span>in my Black and Decker saw</span><span> <br></span><span>I&rsquo;ve joined the Saffron Walden branch<br></span><span>of the national power saw club<br></span><span>and we as a weekly meeting <br></span><span>and its always in the pub</span><span> <br></span><span>We av&rsquo;e races cutting chip board<br></span><span>which we then turn into stools<br></span><span>then we all sits round a table<br></span><span>and polish up our tools</span><span> <br></span><span>We don&rsquo;t always wear our anoraks<br></span><span>sometimes we dress up posh<br></span><span>and invite along a speaker<br></span><span>from Philips or from bosh</span><span> <br></span><span>you can always tell our members<br></span><span>cos they&rsquo;ve got some fingers short<br></span><span>and were trying to get jig saw driving<br></span><span>as a new Olympic sport<br></span><span> </span><span>We av&rsquo;e in depth conversations<br></span><span>about the merits of each blade<br></span><span>and marvel at the engineering<br></span><span>of ow each machine is made</span><span> <br></span><span>Since I joined the circular saw club<br></span><span>my wife&rsquo;s gone soft in the &lsquo;ed<br></span><span>she keep ranting and winging and raging<br></span><span>about the saw dust she finds in the bed.<br></span><span> </span><span>She say it&rsquo;s quite unnatural<br></span><span>to be so obsessed with our tools<br></span><span>and refers to the other members<br> </span><span>as that bunch of sad old fools.<br></span><span> </span><span>she say I love my saw </span><span>more<br> than I ever did &lsquo;er<br></span><span>and it&rsquo;s time for me to choose<br></span><span>which one I prefer.</span><span> <br></span><span>Well my saw can&rsquo;t cook me dinner<br></span><span>iron my shirts darn my socks or stitch,<br></span><span>but at least I can stop it&rsquo;s constant wine<br></span><span>with a flick of the on off  switch. <span>            </span></span> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/13/why_dont_women_understand~1551305/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>AN INTERESTING HOBBY

 Since I’ve reached a certain age
and don’t chase women any more
I’ve developed quite an interest
in my Black and Decker saw 
I’ve joined the Saffron Walden branch
of the national power saw club
and we as a weekly meeting
and its always in the pub 
We av’e races cutting chip board
which we then turn into stools
then we all sits round a table
and polish up our tools 
We don’t always wear our anoraks
sometimes we dress up posh
and invite along a speaker
from Philips or from bosh 
you can always tell our members
cos they’ve got some fingers short
and were trying to get jig saw driving
as a new Olympic sport
 We av’e in depth conversations
about the merits of each blade
and marvel at the engineering
of ow each machine is made 
Since I joined the circular saw club
my wife’s gone soft in the ‘ed
she keep ranting and winging and raging
about the saw dust she finds in the bed.
 She say it’s quite unnatural
to be so obsessed with our tools
and refers to the other members
 as that bunch of sad old fools.
 she say I love my saw more
 than I ever did ‘er
and it’s time for me to choose
which one I prefer. 
Well my saw can’t cook me dinner
iron my shirts darn my socks or stitch,
but at least I can stop it’s constant wine
with a flick of the on off  switch.            

Comments

]]>Send a card pleasehttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/13/send_a_card_please~1549458/2007-01-13T13:43:14+01:00 <p>I am 59 today that must make me an old gitt so i will post an old git poem later </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/13/send_a_card_please~1549458/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I am 59 today that must make me an old gitt so i will post an old git poem later

Comments

]]>I WISH I WAS A LESBIAN.http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/12/i_wish_i_was_a_lesbian~1547324/2007-01-12T20:35:46+01:00 <p><span>We are on our own.<br></span><span> <br></span><span>If I&rsquo;d been one o&rsquo; them lesbians,<br></span><span>or a homosexual come to that,<br></span><span>or I was an ethnic minority,<br></span><span>anorexic or excessively fat,<br></span><span>or if I wer a single mother,<br></span><span>or &lsquo;ad spent some time in jail,<br></span><span>or was one o&rsquo; them unfortunate fellows,<br></span><span>&lsquo;oo cant decide if they are male, <br>o</span><span>r if I&rsquo;d done a murder,<br></span><span>or never new me dad,<br></span><span>or had a history in me family,<br></span><span>of going raving mad,<br></span><span>or if I&rsquo;d never &lsquo;ad a job,<br></span><span>or done a full days work,<br></span><span>and spent all my time at school,<br></span><span>learning &lsquo;ow to shirk,<br></span><span>or if I&rsquo;d still got aids,<br> </span><span>or it came back again,<br></span><span>or &lsquo;ad a wart on me nose,<br></span><span>or water on the brain,<br></span><span>or if I wer a wino,<br></span><span>or lived out on the street,<br></span><span>or even if I wer stupid,<br></span><span>or had bigger than average feet,<br></span><span>or if I wer a junky,<br></span><span>or gambled to excess,<br></span><span>or if I wer a weirdo,<br></span><span>and liked to wear a dress,<br></span><span>no mater what my problem,<br></span><span>or how low I stoop,<br></span><span>I could look through the yellow pages,<br></span><span>and find a supportive group.<br></span><span>There&rsquo;s support groups for prostitutes,<br></span><span>pimps haws and tarts,<br></span><span>and I know because my dad goes,<br></span><span>there&rsquo;s one for boring farts,<br></span><span>There&rsquo;s a support group for the clergy,<br></span><span>for lords and all there heirs,<br></span><span>but there&rsquo;s one section of humanity,<br></span><span>were no one really cares,<br></span><span>us ordinary blokes,<br> what lead ordinary lives,<br></span><span>live in ordinary houses,<br> with ordinary wives,<br></span><span>we do ordinary jobs,<br> for ordinary pay,<br></span><span>there ain&rsquo;t no group to support us,<br> and &lsquo;elp us through the day,<br></span><span>so I decided to set one up,<br></span><span>form a sort of club,<br></span><span>then it struck me that we&rsquo;d got one,<br></span><span>its called the local pub.</p> <p>IT's GOOD to be BACK</span> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/12/i_wish_i_was_a_lesbian~1547324/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>We are on our own.
 
If I’d been one o’ them lesbians,
or a homosexual come to that,
or I was an ethnic minority,
anorexic or excessively fat,
or if I wer a single mother,
or ‘ad spent some time in jail,
or was one o’ them unfortunate fellows,
‘oo cant decide if they are male,
or if I’d done a murder,
or never new me dad,
or had a history in me family,
of going raving mad,
or if I’d never ‘ad a job,
or done a full days work,
and spent all my time at school,
learning ‘ow to shirk,
or if I’d still got aids,
 or it came back again,
or ‘ad a wart on me nose,
or water on the brain,
or if I wer a wino,
or lived out on the street,
or even if I wer stupid,
or had bigger than average feet,
or if I wer a junky,
or gambled to excess,
or if I wer a weirdo,
and liked to wear a dress,
no mater what my problem,
or how low I stoop,
I could look through the yellow pages,
and find a supportive group.
There’s support groups for prostitutes,
pimps haws and tarts,
and I know because my dad goes,
there’s one for boring farts,
There’s a support group for the clergy,
for lords and all there heirs,
but there’s one section of humanity,
were no one really cares,
us ordinary blokes,
 what lead ordinary lives,
live in ordinary houses,
 with ordinary wives,
we do ordinary jobs,
 for ordinary pay,
there ain’t no group to support us,
 and ‘elp us through the day,
so I decided to set one up,
form a sort of club,
then it struck me that we’d got one,
its called the local pub.

IT's GOOD to be BACK

Comments

]]>Another silly one from M.Phttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/07/another_silly_one_from_m_p~1526837/2007-01-07T21:41:13+01:00 <p>Shuting up shop for a rew days so i may not get to blog but i will be thinking of you all,here is one about something that hapens to me allthe time<br> <br> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>ABSURD KIND</span></p> <span> </span><br> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>Our eyes met across a crowded room,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>not a word was said,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>there wer just this incredible look that said I&rsquo;m yours take me to bed.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>A sexy nod of the head,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>a cheeky wink of the eye,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>the sound of heavy breathing,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>the sensual rub of the thigh</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>the moment wer electric</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>no one could resist</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>but the look she gave me back</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>said clear off moron your pissed</span></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/07/another_silly_one_from_m_p~1526837/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Shuting up shop for a rew days so i may not get to blog but i will be thinking of you all,here is one about something that hapens to me allthe time
 

CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE

ABSURD KIND

 

Our eyes met across a crowded room,

not a word was said,

there wer just this incredible look that said I’m yours take me to bed.

A sexy nod of the head,

a cheeky wink of the eye,

the sound of heavy breathing,

the sensual rub of the thigh

the moment wer electric

no one could resist

but the look she gave me back

said clear off moron your pissed

Comments

]]>Its only a gamehttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/07/its_only_a_game~1524797/2007-01-07T14:14:37+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal">Being a bit of a miserable bastard I don&rsquo;t normally enter into games but as a few have been kind enough to nominate me it would be rude not to so reluctantly.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">I am a grumpy old bastard most of the time</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I will do what I dam well like</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I want to be alone</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I see no need for it</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I Need <span> </span>time.</p>  <br> <p class="MsoNormal">I nominate</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Evelyn-may</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Little dave</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Local girl</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Emsbabee</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Layreader</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/07/its_only_a_game~1524797/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Being a bit of a miserable bastard I don’t normally enter into games but as a few have been kind enough to nominate me it would be rude not to so reluctantly.

 

I am a grumpy old bastard most of the time

I will do what I dam well like

I want to be alone

I see no need for it

I Need  time.

 

I nominate

Evelyn-may

Little dave

Local girl

Emsbabee

Layreader

Comments

]]>What a love potionhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/05/what_a_love_potion~1519038/2007-01-05T22:30:00+01:00 <p><strong><u><span>I ain&rsquo;t jealous<br></span></u></strong><strong><em><span></span></em></strong><strong><em><span> </span></em></strong><strong><em><span> </span></em></strong><strong><em><span>That peter stringfellow wer in the paper to day<br></span></em></strong><strong><em><span>Telling how he pulls them gorgeous birds<br></span></em></strong><strong><em><span>its all down to is well kept body good looks<br></span></em></strong><strong><em><span>and all is fancy words<br></span></em></strong><strong><em><span>It&rsquo;s nothing to do with is money&rsquo;<br><span>  </span>fast cars&rsquo;</span></em></strong><strong><em><span>and big fancy night club<br></span></em></strong><strong><em><span>It&rsquo;s nice to know E could pull birds like that<br></span></em></strong><strong><em><span>if E ran a village pub </span></em></strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/05/what_a_love_potion~1519038/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I ain’t jealous
  That peter stringfellow wer in the paper to day
Telling how he pulls them gorgeous birds
its all down to is well kept body good looks
and all is fancy words
It’s nothing to do with is money’
  fast cars’and big fancy night club
It’s nice to know E could pull birds like that
if E ran a village pub

Comments

]]>A POO POEMhttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/03/a_poo_poem~1510933/2007-01-03T21:31:44+01:00 <p><span>THE WONDER OF POO</span><span> <br></span><span><br>Isn&rsquo;t dog shit wonderful stuff,<br></span><span>it just lay in yer path and don&rsquo;t smell,<br></span><span>Till yer treads it in to the carpet,<br></span><span>then it stinks like hell.</span> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2007/01/03/a_poo_poem~1510933/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>THE WONDER OF POO 

Isn’t dog shit wonderful stuff,
it just lay in yer path and don’t smell,
Till yer treads it in to the carpet,
then it stinks like hell.

Comments

]]>Sorry ladies one for the boyshttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2006/12/30/sorry_ladies_one_for_the_boys~1494356/2006-12-30T16:01:19+01:00 <p><strong><u><span>WHY ARE SUSPENDERS SO NICE</span></u></strong><span> <br></span><span><br>When I first noticed things wer wrong,<br></span><span>I denied it that cant be rite,<br></span><span>but there wer several times,<br></span><span>when it kept me awake at night,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Yer see Id spent lots o. time in the kitchen,<br></span><span>cooking and cleaning and stuff,<br></span><span>and I found myself a worrying,<br></span><span>cos me ands was getting rough,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Well I spose that&rsquo;s quite natural,<br></span><span>there&rsquo;s nothing wrong you&rsquo;ll say,<br></span><span>sept I started buying Nivia,<br> </span><span>and that oil of<span>  </span>bloody ulay,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Still I kept on doing my womanly chores,<br></span><span>like the ironing and washing up,<br></span><span>then I<span>  </span>discarded my favourite mug,<br></span><span>and bought a bone china cup,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Then I decided to buy some marigold&rsquo;s,<br></span><span>to keep beside the sink,<br></span><span>there wer loads of colours to choose from,<br> </span><span>bit I ended up buying pink,</p> <p></span><span> </span><span>Then I got interested in interior design,<br></span><span>and pastel colour effects,<br></span><span>and wanted women for there company,<br></span><span>and not just occasional sex,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Then shopping got a pleasure,<br></span><span>and clothes wer hard to choose,<br></span><span>and I stated visiting shoe shops,<br></span><span>just to try on shoes,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>then I started to get real techy,<br></span><span>once a month about full moon,<br></span><span>and really stated worrying,<br></span><span>I&rsquo;d start menstruating soon,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>I wer reading woman&rsquo;s realm,<br></span><span>and listening to housewives choice,<br></span><span>and even stated talking,<br></span><span>in a winging high pinched voice,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Well that wer bad enough,<br></span><span>but then to cap it all,<br></span><span>I could see my mouth getting bigger,<br></span><span>and feel my brain getting small,<br></span><span><br> </span><span> </span><span>It wer worrying enough,<br> </span><span>when I thought I wer tuning queer,<br></span><span>but I wer changing to a woman,<br></span><span>that became quite clear,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>So I bought myself a pipe,<br></span><span>and grew a bushy beard,<br></span><span>in the hope no one would notice,<br></span><span>that I wer acting weird,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>I started drinking pints of beer,<br></span><span>and went to football with the guy&rsquo;s,<br></span><span>but I couldn&rsquo;t help but notice,<br></span><span>how the player&rsquo;s had nice thighs,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Then one night wile I was knitting,<br></span><span>in front of the T.V,<br></span><span>I saw this documentary,<br></span><span>about this H.R.T,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Well the wife she wer on it,<br></span><span>and I really don&rsquo;t know why,<br></span><span>but it wer making er look younger,<br></span><span>so I thought that I would try,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>So I used to pinch a couple,<br></span><span>every now and then,<br></span><span>it don&rsquo;t say on the packet,<br></span><span>that they don&rsquo;t work on men,<br></span><span><br> </span><span>Well since I came off the H.R.T,<br></span><span>most of the symptoms av gone,<br></span><span>sept I gets this occasional impulse,<br></span><span>to put suspenders on.</span><span> </span> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2006/12/30/sorry_ladies_one_for_the_boys~1494356/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>WHY ARE SUSPENDERS SO NICE 

When I first noticed things wer wrong,
I denied it that cant be rite,
but there wer several times,
when it kept me awake at night,

 Yer see Id spent lots o. time in the kitchen,
cooking and cleaning and stuff,
and I found myself a worrying,
cos me ands was getting rough,

 Well I spose that’s quite natural,
there’s nothing wrong you’ll say,
sept I started buying Nivia,
 and that oil of  bloody ulay,

 Still I kept on doing my womanly chores,
like the ironing and washing up,
then I  discarded my favourite mug,
and bought a bone china cup,

 Then I decided to buy some marigold’s,
to keep beside the sink,
there wer loads of colours to choose from,
 bit I ended up buying pink,

 Then I got interested in interior design,
and pastel colour effects,
and wanted women for there company,
and not just occasional sex,

 Then shopping got a pleasure,
and clothes wer hard to choose,
and I stated visiting shoe shops,
just to try on shoes,

 then I started to get real techy,
once a month about full moon,
and really stated worrying,
I’d start menstruating soon,

 I wer reading woman’s realm,
and listening to housewives choice,
and even stated talking,
in a winging high pinched voice,

 Well that wer bad enough,
but then to cap it all,
I could see my mouth getting bigger,
and feel my brain getting small,

  It wer worrying enough,
 when I thought I wer tuning queer,
but I wer changing to a woman,
that became quite clear,

 So I bought myself a pipe,
and grew a bushy beard,
in the hope no one would notice,
that I wer acting weird,

 I started drinking pints of beer,
and went to football with the guy’s,
but I couldn’t help but notice,
how the player’s had nice thighs,

 Then one night wile I was knitting,
in front of the T.V,
I saw this documentary,
about this H.R.T,

 Well the wife she wer on it,
and I really don’t know why,
but it wer making er look younger,
so I thought that I would try,

 So I used to pinch a couple,
every now and then,
it don’t say on the packet,
that they don’t work on men,

 Well since I came off the H.R.T,
most of the symptoms av gone,
sept I gets this occasional impulse,
to put suspenders on. 

Comments

]]>Why I like to wear suspendershttp://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2006/12/30/why_i_like_to_wear_suspenders~1493985/2006-12-30T14:18:26+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal">Some years ago when I got together with my partner the lovely R, I found I would quite often wake up with her H.R.T.patch stuck to my leg or forehead, this became quite a regular occurrence, so much so that I started worrying about all the female hormones rushing round my body so I wrote this next poem wile I was very much in touch with my feminine side. My good friend Gordon drew this picture to go with it. the poems sometimes come out as one long sentence when I paste them from word so I may need to adjust it a bit here is the picture as a taster the poem will follow shortly. <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=1063198" title="hrt"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/198/1063198_3436281a8a_m.jpg" alt="hrt" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="500" height="364"></a>in touch with my feminine side</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mad-poet.blog.co.uk/2006/12/30/why_i_like_to_wear_suspenders~1493985/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Some years ago when I got together with my partner the lovely R, I found I would quite often wake up with her H.R.T.patch stuck to my leg or forehead, this became quite a regular occurrence, so much so that I started worrying about all the female hormones rushing round my body so I wrote this next poem wile I was very much in touch with my feminine side. My good friend Gordon drew this picture to go with it. the poems sometimes come out as one long sentence when I paste them from word so I may need to adjust it a bit here is the picture as a taster the poem will follow shortly. hrtin touch with my feminine side

Comments

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