stuff to do on a purple day

SYMPATHY FOR AN AGEING LOVER

 

It must be worse for you, you used to be a beauty.

It must be ‘ard now your looks are gone

time ‘as took its toll and your starting to look old

and your breasts that once wer large are just long.

 

It must be worse for you once you wer gorgeous.

Men often used to stop and stare,

now yer ‘ands are gnarled a bit and yer skin don’t quite fit.

and time ‘as been and bugger’d up you’re hair.

 

It must be worse for you once you wer stunning.

I remember when you wer tall and sleek’

you try to keep alive the dream with the use of nivia cream,

but a months supply now just lasts a week.

 

It must be worse for you once you wer lovely.

Now your reflection is not what you want to see,

it must really hurt now you’ve nothing left that’s pert,

and now your lovely chin has turned to three.

 

It must be worse for you once you wer a beauty.

I remember ‘ow you used to be,

it must be really ‘ard now your hips ‘av turned to lard,

its worse for you, but it ‘aint much fun for me 

    

What is it with women; my partner is sitting watching the green mile on TV sobbing but wont turn it off? I don’t understand

 

It say in the paper that lesbians make good parents

I don’t know how they know’s

But I know from personal experience

They make bloody good video’s

sorry folks it just sliped out

FRANK’S NEW WIFE .

 Young Frank’s wife ‘ad left ‘im,
after the breast implant affair,
‘E got ‘ome from work one night,
and there she was not there. 

Well ‘E wer quite upset,
she weren’t there to cook ‘is grub,
but at least ‘eed got ‘is freedom ,
to come down to the pub. 

But it was clear ‘E wasn’t ‘appy,
without a woman in ‘is life,
so we decided we should ‘elp ‘im,
to find another wife.

 ‘E deserved to get a good ‘en,
after the last one ‘E ‘ad ‘ad,
so we ‘ad a meeting in the pub,
to write ‘im out an ad’. 

She would ‘av. to be good looking,
nothing but the best,
legs rite up to ‘er bum,
and a forty two inch chest. 

She would ‘av. to be a blonde,
there weren’t no decent their,
and we thought it might be nice,
if she ‘ad ginger pubic hair. 

We decided on tea total,
and she’d ‘av. to ‘av. a car,
so she could take us to the darts match,
and we could ‘av. a jar. 

She would ‘av. to be a good cook,
and ‘ardly ever speak,
and not be one to make Frank,
 do sexmore than once a week. 

We sent the advert off,
without any more ado,
and elected a committee,
to conduct the interview. 

It cost a five’r for the ad’
and much to our surprise,
after all the effort we put in,
we din’t get no reply’s.

The sun is shining the sea is calm all is wellmy littl part of the planet looks good today

Life go’s on they say

Well that don’t help a bit

Its little consolation

When you’re life is full of shit

When the moths come taping on the window

For me to let them in to the light

I don’t think it would be humane

To lock them out all night

 

So I open up the fanlight

And welcome them inside

They are the only friend I got

So I aint got no pride.

 

And as they flutter

Oh so happily

I think it must be fun for them

And its company for me

If ever you are hungry,

And need sustenance in a hurry,

I can thouraly recommend

Mr. Sings number 2 meat curry.

 

Its got onions and Garlic,

An unspecified sort of meat,

Lots of secret ingredients,

That are wonderful to eat.

 

It brings sweat onto your forehead,

And makes your lips go numb,

And you rush into the toilet

As it burns out of yer bum,

 

And when it splatters on the porcelain,

It’s a wonder to be seen,

As it burns off all the lime scale

And leaves it squeaky clean.

 

Although it fascinating to watch,

You must flush it strait away,

I watched for too long once,

And it set as hard as clay.

 

As it pops and hisses,

On its way out to sea,

You wonder what would happen,

If you tried curry number three.

Who said life begins at forty

They must be bloody mad

Arthritis begins at forty

Just ask my poor old dad

Elvis Presley, dont you think he should have stoped singing and stuck with what he did best, Acting